woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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