pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize