If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
