in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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