Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
