She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
