Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The uberlube is also flammable
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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