wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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