YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize