i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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