somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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