i need an iv and a liver transplant
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
