so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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