why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
