yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry about my life...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
