why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
