That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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