How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize