Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
