and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize