i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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