This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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