we have pet lesbian snakes
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.