That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.