words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.