I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?