I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you