your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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