party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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