I faked an abortion last night.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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