yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whose parrot is this?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
