So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
