my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
