Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
