My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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