let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
