Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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