I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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