Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
