My nipple is on Facebook.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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