Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
