soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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