I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
