I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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