i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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