i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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