I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
