well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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