It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
don't judge my taste in strippers
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
