He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
