I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
