How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
