did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
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I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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