P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
