My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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