you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize