I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
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