There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
