Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
