Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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