I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There's always time for handjobs
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
