Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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