he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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