So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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